James MacDonald-Hall offers his own very personal take on the state of the once beloved area of Soho!
Am I the only one noticing the nose-dive Soho has been taking for quite some time now? It seems the once festive and uber-fashionable area, is now running rampant with last seasons plebs as well as a vast aray of troglodyte bouncers with epic god-complexes. As harsh as you may think I am being, it doesn’t even begin to scrape the top of the popsicle! It seems there are a few accessories one cannot go with out on a night out in Soho.
For starters, stepping out of your cab is a gamble. The constant stream of urine on the footpaths is a phenomenon in itself, I mean, it’s not often a whole district can boast an out door urinal. Making the first accessory on this season Soho trip Wellingtons, or better yet a blow up rubber boat… simply paddle your way to the nearest dive!
After wading your way through the filth you find yourself at a club entrance. One would expect a friendly bear at the door to welcome you and give you a suggestive smile as he pats you down. Alas no! Instead, from my experience, you fund a homophobic ‘roid-junkie who manages to invade your space while simultaneously giving off a death stare that would send even our dear Joan Rivers (glitter in peace) turning in her grave.
I’m not one to name names, but there is a certain little enclave that has a rep for booting out those not considered, er, gay enough. How you can judge this I have no idea. These bouncers wouldn’t know what gay was unless a brick of glitter hit them in the face! So the next must-have accessory is a life size rainbow flag…just in case you’re on trend fashion is simply not enough to get you through the door.
Congrats you’ve reached the club. What’s that? You’re disappointed? You didn’t realise that the delectable smell of B.O. and urine was quite so putrid? You didn’t understand that when people said Soho was ‘intimate’, they really meant over-crowded? Soho was supposed to be trendy, and comfortable for everyone in the community, from the fresh out-ers to the more mature cuts of meat. Now going to Soho is a toss up between getting stabbed and ruining your new Gucci’s in some tourists bodily fluids.
This season’s must have accessory is Shoreditch! On the up-rise again, Shoreditch is edgy and happening. Craft Cocktail Co. in Bethnal Green boasts an edgy industrialism vibe, with delectable cocktails as well as the drink kind. DreamBags JaguarShoes is an ultra-trendy mix of art,music and fashion. They dress the place in new art trends every few weeks. And of course CAMP, this fashion-forward spot says it all in the name. A late night arts and music collective, it’s a great place to dance off those mojito’s! Soho is dead. All hail the new queen!