While many of us come out to our families to open arms, some guys and girls don’t have such a welcoming experience. When Rari came out, his parents gave him an ultimatum – leave home or undergo some kind of de-gaying therapy. While many may not forgive their parents for this reaction, Ravi says he has decided to strip away the negativity so he can finally be happy!

When I came out to my parents there was no cake, glitter, or kind words. They asked me to choose between being gay on my own or accepting some form of help to ‘de-gay’ myself. Options were plenty in their mind: the church, psychiatrists, even psychological trainings to make my brain go back to being straight – crazy, huh?! It’s been half a decade since, and as I am sat here writing about it, you must already know what my choice was. At this point we have a minimal relationship: they are looking for my wife and I am no longer looking into ways of making them accept my good taste in men.

There are many of us in this unpleasant situation. With a background of hatred and unacceptance targeted towards LGBT youth, it makes me wonder: is it really important to take all that negativity in and filter it out as positive energy, drive, and kindness? The obvious answer is yes. What is not immediately obvious is why we, as once the unaccepted children, need to forgive our unforgiving parents. I’ve cut it down to my top three reasons so I don’t get you bored, but I am genuinely hoping it will bring more awareness.

LIBERATION: There is nothing more empowering than feeling the lightness of a heavy stone lifted of your chest, metaphorically. If your parents don’t accept you, regardless of your determination to come out of the closet and find your way in life, you can still feel the burden of their disapproval. That brings discomfort, self-doubt, and that feeling we all know way too well, that we are not good enough. What liberation did for me was quite impressive. Our subconscious can still seek their approval and we get caught in a domino-like situation where everything we do is to get their stamp of worthiness. You need to liberate yourself from that feeling and consciously make life choices and decisions that will serve you, not what you’d think it would compensate for you being gay.

KINDNESS: How many people told you: ‘I can’t believe your parents don’t speak to you because you’re gay!’? I have heard that way too many times. As much as it comes from a good place, it’s not necessarily the easiest phrase to digest. Well, for me at least. It has an underlining connotation that our parents are awful people, unkind, and unworthy to be parents. Well, they raised us up how they could and gave us everything they had, however narrow their minds failed to help them process that we are not what they planned us to be – which is this case is straight or gender conforming. As much as this is an unpopular opinion, I believe it takes a high level of awareness and kindness to realise it’s not our place to hate them back. Look back in history: hate plus hate won’t take us very far.

PROGRESSION: One cannot move on and achieve greatness in life whilst their glands are full of venom. You need to drop all the negative feelings towards them based on the fact that they kicked you out of the house, stopped giving you money, or deleted you out of their family photo album. Again, unpopular opinion, but you have to stop it regardless of how hard it sounds. Accept the situation, take in what you’ve learned from it, and value the struggle you went through as these factors helped you progress towards a better self. There is no point to deny yourself chasing your dreams because you’re too busy being bitter about how unfair they were. The universe will always challenge you, and the best thing to do is roll with the time, keep an open heart and not become like them. They might change their mind one day, or they may not, but don’t waste your time waiting for it.

I hope what I have said will awaken in us a more forgiving nature so that we can live a more peaceful life.

Find more of Rari on www.raristwist.com