Earlier this week, First Dates fans fell in love with gorgeous gay daters Xanthi Toupoyannis and Linford Martin. Sadly, the pair didn’t hit it off romantically, but that didn’t stop thirsty fans from declaring their undying love for the pair on social media.
But amidst all the praise, dashingly handsome Leicester-born Linford found himself under attack from abusive trolls who took exception to certain comments he made during the date about not liking gay men and preferring to be straight, comments he says came out the wrong way.
Here, an upset Linford speaks to GuysLikeU about the reactions to the show and explains what he really meant go say!
READ LINFORD’S INTERVIEW ABOUT HIS DATE WITH XANTHI
Since your appearance on the show, what kind of reactions have you had from people?
Wow, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind. I watched the show with my boyfriend, friends and family and they were proud of the fact that I was honest and I was myself, so that was great! And on the whole, I’ve received tonnes of lovely messages from people I don’t even know, and lots of tweets from people telling ‘they want to give me a hug’, that they feel sorry for me and that I seem sweet, which is lovely! However, on the flip side, I’ve also had a lot of tweets saying things like ‘Linford is a prick!’, ‘you’re an embarrassment to the LGBT community’ ‘you should be ashamed of yourself’ which are a little harder to read.
We bet they are. Those comments are pretty harsh!
But at the end of the day you can’t be liked my every one! I’m just happy I was myself and I stood by my beliefs.
Are you surprised by those reactions?
If I’d been asked this question before the show aired I would have answered differently, but if I’m hones, I’m not entirely surprised by what people have said having seen the show, and I can see why some people might be upset by what I had said and how it may have been misconstrued.
Indeed. You had said on the show you didn’t like gay people. Explain what you meant by that and why you said it?
That was a very brash statement to make! People shouldn’t be ostracised into a particular group by their sexual preferences! If someone was to say I don’t like black people I’d be the first to jump up and say something! I guess what I meant to say was, I don’t like the characteristics of certain gay people I have met.
Which is fair enough…
I mean, I’ve met a lot of amazing gay people too and have two very close best friends, Luke and Tommy! But some of the gay people I have come across in my time have been very rude, very nasty and quite frankly bitchy and judgmental! Of course, they’re not the traits of a gay person; they can be traits in straight men and women too. In anyone, in fact. So the statement ‘I don’t like gay people’ was maybe something I should have worded a little better, but after copious amounts of rose wine it may have come out wrong!
We totally understand.
Yeah, taking sexuality out of the equation for a minute, there are a lot of lovely people in this world and there are a lot of people who you won’t get on with! Sexuality has nothing to do with it.
When you said you hate gay bars because guys keep coming up to you, what did you mean by that?
What person in their right mind can say they don’t like attention? I think it’s clear that I do like attention, ha! What I actually meant in that statement was that I don’t agree with how forward gay men can be in gay bars! When I’m in certain gay bars I’ve had men grope me, or try and undo my trousers and that is just not acceptable, if a straight man did that to a woman all hell would break loose!
You’re so right. There is a line…
It’s almost like in gay bars there is no barrier. There seems to be no flirtation, cheeky glances at each other before you man up and start a chat or offer to buy them a drink. It’s cut throat and people dive straight in, and if you knock somebody back the whole night is awkward. I’m a very chivalrous person. I enjoy dating and getting to know somebody. You know, days out together and fun activities, not seedy hook ups in gay bar toilets.
Going back a bit… You said you had a terrible time being bullied at school and that that had effect. Can you give us some examples of what the boys did to you and why they made you feel bad about yourself?
I was bullied throughout my teens at school. From a very young age it was apparent that I was gay! I remember the lads taunting me in the changing rooms, telling me not to look at them undress, when in actual fact all I wanted to do was keep my eyes tightly shut, as one wrong innocent glance would result in me being shoved around, being kicked on the floor! It wasn’t a great time for me, but I do feel a lot stronger within myself due to this!
Did the guys who bullied you about being gay make you angry that you were gay?
It did, and I challenge you to find one gay person that didn’t kind of resent the fact that they were gay when they were being bullied! But as I grew older and understood my own sexuality more I found it a lot easier to come to terms with.
You say you have slept with girls – did you do that to prove something to others or to yourself?
I slept with girls in the past, because of a mixture of reasons. At first I was confused and I felt it was something I was supposed to be doing. That said, I wasn’t running around town sleeping with every girl in sight. I was in relationships and at the time I did truly care about them.
When you did sleep with girls did you feel turned on or did you have to force yourself? Di d you go through the motions?
I did feel turned on, it was never forced. Sexual activity between two people can be an incredible thing regardless of sex. I’m a firm believer of falling for a person, not necessary a specific gender
You said that you hang out with a lot of straight guys and that you’d like to be straight…. Why would being straight feel better than being gay?
I have a very close circle of straight friends and I enjoy my time with them, it’s a different side to me, but it is still a side to ME! The relationship I have with my straight friends makes me who I am. I love to chill with my girl mates, talking about lads and makeup drinking wine, but I also love to hang out with my straight friends and have banter. I don’t think being straight would be better, but I think it would be easier!
Would you ever want to be straight? Would it make you happier?
I wouldn’t want to change who I am, and I am not straight, far from it in fact! So being straight wouldn’t make me happier, your sexual preference isn’t a choice. Do I wish I had been born straight? Possibly, but I wouldn’t change who I am now; my friends, my family and all aspects of my life have made me who I am today and that’s something I wouldn’t change!
Are you happy being a gay man?
I am happy being a gay man, it’s tough at times, but there are people on this planet who don’t have a roof over their heads, children who don’t have access to clean drinking water. I am very lucky and very fortunate, so I think you have to be happy with your life.
Having met your boyfriend Jess – has that made you feel happier being a gay guy!
Meeting Jess is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s like no boyfriend I have ever met, he accepts my flaws and all of my insecurities, and makes me a better person! I couldn’t be happier in our relationship. I love to show him off, and I’m not scared to hold his hand in public. If anything I’m constantly grabbing it. If I hated being gay that much, I don’t think I would act that way! He’s a true asset to me, and I’m really excited about our future.
What do you hate most about the gay lifestyle?
The aspects I don’t like mostly about the gay lifestyle is how promiscuous it can be. You know, gay apps like Grindr where people will just hook up for fun without knowing each other. Don;t get me wrong, I’m sure straight people do it too! But for me the gay scene is renowned for being promiscuous.
You’re a good-looking guy, but you seem to be a bit insecure. what do you think is your biggest issue?
I am very insecure within my self. I always compare myself to others, and wish I looked a different way, but I think it’s important to be comfortable with yourself and that’s something I’m trying to do! My biggest hang up would be my skin, as you saw on the episode I do wear makeup, and it is a little more than bronzer, and that’s because I have acne scars from when I was a teenager.
Have gay guys let you down in the past because they want to be with you because you’re good looking and not because you’re a nice guy?
Fortunately I don’t think I’ve ever been in that situation. I think guys in the past have almost not approached me because I am good looking, which is a shame because people do think I’m arrogant and stuck up, because of the way I look and the way that I carry myself. But I really am a sweet guy!
Xanthi has another date next week – would you have liked another try?
Xanthi is a really nice lad, and I agree with my statement at the end of the show, he is someone to aspire too! I love his confidence and how comfortable he is within himself! I knew almost instantly me and Xanthi wouldn’t hit it off, which is a shame, however we do still speak and he’s a great lad!
What do you think about trolls? Are they justified in attacking people for comments they don’t like? Should we be allowed to have our own opinions or should we think twice about what we say? LET US KNOW at hello@guyslikeu.com