First Dates star Linford Martin joins GuysLikeU as a new regular columnist. Every week he will discuss an issue he is passionate about. This week, he argues that promiscuous gay guys and cheaters offer people a bad impression of our community.
Earlier this year, I appeared on an episode of First Dates in which I met a guy called Xanthi. Although we had a fun time, we didn’t hit it off. While he went on to appear on the show for a second time, I carried on my life in the real world where I managed to bag the man of my dreams, without the help of a TV show.
I met Jess on Facebook, of all places, a few months after my date with Xanthi and hit it off with him straight away. Now, I have never been a believer of love at first sight, but the moment our eyes met, I just knew he was the one for me and we’ve been together ever since! Even though it’s been a short time, I have never trusted anyone more in my life and I’m so pleased to have found a guy I’m positive I will be with forever.
Before Jess, I had endured a string of failed relationships, all of which came to an end because my partners cheated on me. I have been cheated on in almost every relationship I have been in, which has been totally soul destroying. Knowing that someone has been with someone else behind your back makes you constantly question yourself. Am I not good looking enough? Am I not interesting enough? Is there something wrong with me? Honestly, being cheated on really can give you a complex.
But looking back, I like to think the simple fact is, those lads just wanted to get their end away and had nothing to do with me whatsoever as a person. Bottom line, it all boils down to their own insecurities.
Call me old fashioned, or simply moralistic, but I really do think monogamy is ignored by the majority of the gay community and it’s something I personally find very distressing. Social media and apps such as Grindr are popular and only seem to encourage men to stray and I see the art of chivalry slowly dying out.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know there are many gay couples out there who are happy and faithful, myself included. But I know of couples who are in ‘open relationships’, couples who actively go out to seek men to sleep with whether it be as part of a threesome, or simply hooking up with a guy with their partner’s consent.
I know I might sound judgmental, but for me this is not what a relationship should be about! The sad thing is, the gay community has had for years a reputation for being promiscuous, which is something I hate. We have come so far over the past few years in terms of social acceptance, but there is still this grubby perception that gay guys are sex obsessed! I think it’s unfair that that’s what people think about my community because not all of us are like that.
Yes I know straight people do the same, but the gay community – due to years of oppression and bigotry – are still thought of as promiscuous. And I don’t we’re not helping ourselves.
I see lads on Facebook openly bragging about wanting ‘no strings attached fun’. It’s as if some of us have no shame, and other members of the LGBT applaud this behaviour almost egging people on, and saying that gay people shouldn’t be heteronormative – ie trying to aspire to a traditional lifestyle of monogamy.
Since meeting Jess, my whole life has been turned upside down. I have never been treated so incredibly by anyone. I’ve never been made to feel so important and so special and honestly it is the best feeling in the world!
What disturbs me more is that it’s quite obvious that Jess and I are in a relationship on Facebook (due to our many soppy posts and pictures on a daily basis), but that doesn’t stop lads messaging me or Jess. It’s sad that people go out of their way to try and attract the attention of people who are in a happy relationship and yet it happens everyday.
A lot of people think that monogamy is overrated and not for them – fine, that’s entirely their choice, everyone has the right to live the life they want to live – but I ask for them to do so in private. There’s nothing alluring about somebody who has promiscuous traits and also I don’t want people to lump all gay men into the category and think one gay man’s actions reflect us all.
What do you think? Do you agree with what Linford says? Do promiscuous guys give gays a bad name?