GuysLikeU columnist Robbie Dalgetty talks about finding Mr Right in his small home town of Aberdeen!
In cities like London, New York and Paris, there are literally hundreds of bars and nightclubs for gay men to unleash their wild side. Forgetting about the nightlife, these cities even have gay neighborhoods where one can go for a coffee and find little in the way of straight people. And then there are other cities…
Aberdeen is the place I call home, and lets just say… its not like New York.
We have one gay bar and one gay club. Well technically the bar and the club are the same venue, only one part closes at 12 and the other remains open for the club kids. No you didn’t misread, there’s one place for every gay man, lesbian, drag queen and transgender individual in the city to let their hair down.
Now I’m not saying that the bar is bad, it happens to have a ‘Tiki-Tastick’ Thursday night that always gets people excited. The problem isn’t with the venue, it’s with the community.
‘If you piss off the wrong person then you can quickly find yourself falling from pack leader to lone wolf’
Being such a small city means there are no rules here. No limitations on what a kiss at the bar means, and accepting a free drink from someone doesn’t mean you have to go home with them. In Aberdeen you can fuck who you want, everyone will know about it and hardly anyone will care.
An old friend of mine once said “I used to think it was a sense of community that made the gays in Aberdeen so close, but I think it might just be that we have all seen each other naked!” a funny thought, but also an issue.
If you wanted to find a nice boy that hasn’t had sex with someone you know, then you best start looking further afield because the inner city sex-web is endless, you’ll sooner find a needle in a haystack than a guy one for your friends hasn’t gotten with. And like all micro-communities its all to easy for a hierarchy to form.
‘You’ll sooner find a needle in a haystack than a guy one for your friends hasn’t gotten with’
Here instead of a community, we have what I like to call a ‘communi-clique’. There’s only two ways to be hot on the scene, become a gay elite who look and act more like the plastics of a grown up version of Mean Girls, or you have to act like you want in to the elite inner circle.
Stray from these options if you dare because there is no option three. If you piss off the wrong person then you can quickly find yourself falling from pack leader to lone wolf. And once you’re out the inner circle, you’re out the community.
‘How can we expect to achieve anything with society, if we can’t even treat each other with respect and dignity?’
There is no alternative group for you to take solace in, only the elites and the social climbers. It seems to me that the real meaning of the gay community can be found in a cosmopolitan city, where no matter what happened you could find a group to accept you.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are some members of the ‘communi-clique’ who will still share a dance with you if they are drunk enough, but the feeling of ever fitting in again is difficult to find once its lost.
This may be an issue faced only in smaller places, but it represents a bigger issue we face as a worldwide community, social equality. How can we expect to achieve anything with society, if we can’t even treat each other with respect and dignity? It seems to me the time has come to take the ‘cliques’ out of community.